Reprinted from August 15th 2010 issue of ABQ Meth Biz Gazette: “Obituary, Mike Ehrmantraut”.

Mike Ehrmantraut, probably like 60 something, died Sunday, in Albuquerque, of Heisenberg related complications.

Ehrmantraut was a retired police officer, cleaner, fixer, hitman, mechanic, enforcer, head of security, private investigator, and loving grandfather. He is survived by his granddaughter Kaylee, his BFF Jesse Pinkman, his employer/employee Saul Goodman, his murderer Walter White, his threatee Lydia, his “guys,” and like Kaylee’s parents or whatever.

“Shut the fuck up and let me die in peace,” were Ehrmantraut’s last words, say reports from the all-seeing eyes of our omniscient reporters. He died doing what he loved: expressing annoyance and looking at a scenic valley.

Ehrmantraut was employee and friend to meth biz community members Saul Goodman and recently deceased Gustavo Fring. Ehrmantraut’s competence, loyalty, and know-how quickly elevated him to the guarded inner circle of Fring, buying Ehrmantraut an important place in the ABQ meth biz.

Late in his career, Ehrmantraut became acquainted with Walter White and Jesse Pinkman, stars of AMC meth biz reality television show Breaking Bad, and gained fans with his impassioned speech about his past as a cop, instructing Walt to beware half measures; advice Walt takes to heart.

Ehrmantraut continued to be a fan favorite with his detached resigned professionalism, competence under pressure, anti-Walt one-liners, and general Heisenberg opposititude. His love for his granddaughter made him one of the most humanized characters on the show, despite his tendency toward cold-blooded (but never unnecessary) murder.

Ehrmantraut friend Saul Goodman had said of Ehrmantraut, “trust me, you can trust this guy.” And trust him you could. Ehrmantraut filled a necessary hole within the business, that of a man willing to do anything with honor, loyalty, and intelligence. The Cleaner was a true ABQ meth biz professional, a friend to some, a helping hand to many, and one of the smartest men in the business. He will be missed.

Breaking Bad will air Ehrmantraut’s death on 8/27/2012. Memorial services will be held Wednesday in a barrel of acid in a warehouse somewhere, probably.