I know everybody was watching the Superb Bowl last night, but I hope you still got to catch the earlier Saturday night premiere of Girls! Here’s a very short recap of the big game: Beyoncé reunited Destiny’s Child by popping them out of the floor of her stage, Beyoncé then cloned herself on stage I think, the power went out because the lights were bored of the Ravens scoring, I ate four sandwiches, according to Dodge commercials there are a lot of farmers out there (???), God has now been linked to a recent string of murderers winning the Super Bowl.

And now here’s a longer recap of GIRLS!

Episode 4, “It’s A Shame About Ray,” features a lot of change for our little ladies, cohesive action that actually moves forward and — shocker — actually brings some of the characters together. It’s definitely GIRLS at it’s best, because it is funny, features no dance parties, and brings to light the ugliest parts of something we all feel.

And mostly, this episode is about love. From my experience and because the movie Safe Haven is something that got greenlit, a lot of people spend a lot of time thinking about love and relationships. They all seem to conclude the same thing about it: it is absolutely wonderful and powerful and addictive and gross and most of the time, it ends. If you’re lucky, you get out in one piece. But nobody I know has ever won the lottery by buying a scratch-off ticket, if you know what I mean. A lot of us out there have some parts missing thanks to love.


Hannah, or the patron saint of “Why Do Things Work out for HER?!” is pretty lucky. She’s kicking Elijah out of her apartment, and doesn’t she know good roommates are really hard to find, and I guess she made out with that human scab Layered so it seems like she’s not very picky or offended by body odors. Well. Hannah wears a mumu and rubs her vagina all over her new chairs, bought by Elijah’s rich ex George, who doesn’t want Elijah to take them because they don’t 69 to Mama Mia! anymore. They banter about burritos because Lena Dunham and her writing team just scroll through Tumblr to find out what the “poor kids are up to these days,” and then he leaves. Hannah is currently resilient to this particular heartbreak, one from a guy who left her for other men after two years of love and butt plugs (he bought one for her!), and then tried to have sex with her female best friend. She’s mad about it, sure, but she doesn’t let it break her. She’ll still take off her shirt in public the same way we do: one sleeve at a time.

And maybe it’s because she’s psychotic and instead of a heart, she has just a tiny hand mirror she can look at, or maybe it’s because she is OVER IT. And that’s something about love that is always interesting: as much as you feel like you’ll never get over it, you almost always do, because we are all entirely too selfish to dwell in somebody else’s choices forever. And sometimes you even get new furniture out of the whole deal, even if you’re sitting on it alone.

Jessa is meeting her new husband’s old parents for the first time, even though she has to go to a steakhouse whilst you know she would LOVE a vegan spring roll. Stepping out of fancy-free-scarf-Europe-world for a second, her new in-laws are unsurprisingly uptight and very unsurprisingly suspicious about her. Note: don’t meet waspy people if you’re gonna wear your hair up in chopsticks. Note: don’t meet waspy people if all you can think to talk about is your heroin addiction. While sipping wine and firing questions about Jessa’s inability to hold a job, his mother, who has got to have a whole bundle of sticks up her ass, basically accuses her of being a golddigger. And I’ll say this — maybe she is, a little bit. Having access to money you didn’t have before is certainly a “PRO” rather than a “CON,” but if you think back to Jessa’s shit-eating grin as she was getting hitched, you know she loved the guy. And maybe that was flighty of her and stupid of her, but it was as real as her love for statement necklaces, even if it wasn’t founded in anything but the way a guy she didn’t know too well made her feel.

And when you fall in love in a blur, and you are forced to put your feet on the ground and admit to two judgemental people that you didn’t graduate from college and you don’t have a career, you find the ground pretty fast. And Jessa is discovering that the ground is hard, and she is left with a husband who tells her that she’s the biggest mistake he’s ever made, and so she is left alone. And if she was a golddigger, she got her wish: he paid her over $10,000 if she would just leave him. She takes it. And if that money was all you think she wanted out of this, you’ve never fell in love with the wrong man, or gotten comfort from the wrong person just to have comfort. But hey, at least you get to see her boob!


Marnie isn’t doing too well either, but I have to give her the Camille Grammer award for “Surprisingly The Most Likeable Now,” because she’s been super enjoyable lately. Anyway, Hannah is making organic pad thai at her apartment because she probably had a “I should have an adult dinner party” moment at 2am like we all do. Marnie shows up, as do Audrey and Charlie. Audrey continues being the worst, wearing headbands across the forehead even though nobody does anymore, flashing her pearly chompers, starting a MUSTARD company. Audrey is the worst, but way worse if she’s your ex’s new girlfriend, and I commend Marnie for her restraint of not ripping out her spleen and wrapping it across her forehead. Instead, she drinks and smiles her Brian Williams grin, until Audrey literally accuses her of being “Stepford psycho” for attending a dinner party she was invited to. Check plus to Hannah for inviting them both, but Hannah has a special section in hell reserved to her — a place where she will have to listen to other people’s problems for all of eternity.

Marnie runs out and Charlie follows her. He kisses her on a roof, probably because he still loves her and she recently went to his apartment to cry and fall asleep in his arms, and she turns him down because she’s dating the midgey from Lonely Island. And yes, they are both jerks. But the thing is, once you love somebody for a very long time, it is very hard to NOT love them, and it is very hard to move on, and Charlie tried to and now Marnie is trying to and you really can’t blame them both for it. Love might bring out the best in you, but breaking up surely brings out the worst. Unless you are Audrey, who is definitely ALWAYS the worst.


And now, we get to Shoshanna. Our Little Princess is trying out lopsided pigtails and having sex on the regular, and only one of those things looks good on her. Since they got back together, it seems as if her and Ray have been pretty happy with each other — rolling around in bed together, going to parties together, spending every day with each other… because Ray is homeless and crashing at her place… which Shoshanna wasn’t even aware of. This pisses her off, because nobody REALLY wants somebody at their apartment all the time who doesn’t live there, even if that person is somebody you’re sleeping with. I can only imagine how Marnie must feel, who is probably not smitten with Ray and doesn’t want her roommate’s boyfriend there all the time. Anyway. Shoshanna is rightfully annoyed, and they fight on the subway platform about it like most couples in Brooklyn due according to a lot of my commutes — and here’s the thing…

Marnie, Jessa, and Hannah are all different examples of why love is awful and hard and goes wrong all the time. They are walking warnings of various ways being in a relationship is the worst idea. But when Ray tells Shoshanna he is “so fucking in love with her,” and you see the way she looks at him when he says that? You forget all of it. You will always risk falling in love. Always. You will always think love is worth it, you will always forget the pain of the loves you had before.


And when the episode ends with a crying Jessa, naked in the tub with Hannah, splashing each other with snotty cry-water? You remember that when love goes wrong, and you’re cut into pieces again, you just might be lucky enough to have a friend to hand those pieces back to you.

Even if that friend is Hannah, who is definitely ALWAYS the worst.