Confession — I lie to myself about lots of stuff. I lie to myself, usually, more than I lie to anybody else (except the doctor when he asks me how much I drink). I say that I’ll start going running and I will leave my very old running shoes by my bed, until they are absent-mindedly kicked under the bed to be feasted upon by many mice. I tell myself that I won’t drink too much whiskey tonight, until my eyes are hazy and I am texting almost everybody on my phone with the grammar of a dog. I am a liar when I promise that I’ll make more money next month, or save more money, or get up early, or do my taxes at a reasonable time. I do it because it feels easy and simple and almost like accomplishments.
I lie to myself all the time, which, if you didn’t catch my drift, is pretty much what GIRLS Season 2, Episode 6 was about, entitled “Boys” for no other reason than there was a whole scene with just boys in it.
The episode begins with big news: Hannah Horvath is getting an e-book! I can’t believe that people were really getting up-in-arms about Hannah hooking up with Patrick Wilson last week, because this is the least believable piece of news I’ve ever seen on this show. Let’s also set the record straight about that… if you complained a lot about how unbelievable it was that somebody who looked like Lena could get with somebody who looked like Patrick, let me explain something to you: 1) You’re a rude person. 2) are you NUTS people will sleep with anybody, regardless of how attractive YOU think they are 3) it is unrealistic only because why would anybody want to spend more than five minutes with Hannah, but honestly, this show is on its second season and you watch it and spend LOTS of minutes with Hannah, you idiots.
Okay. Back to Hannah’s e-book. She scored one with Pumped Magazine, who is apparently looking to build up it’s Kindle library with books about people who are terrible and have many silky sleeveless tops. I would rather stick my head in Gary Busey’s mouth than read this e-book, but I can’t wait for the chapter about her vagina and breasts (all of the chapters). Why would anybody read her dogshit book? I don’t know, I think, as I scan over the 45th literary list piece about moving to New York when you’re 23 that I’ve read this week. Her new editor tells her she has to write the whole thing in a month, and she responds to this by leaving the bar and throwing up outside of it. I understand the terror she must feel. Writing reviews for GIRLS every week takes me two hours, three poops, and actually four hours, speaking of lying to myself.
Hannah spends the rest of the episode staring at her computer, telling herself she’ll write. She writes nothing. She drinks Red Bull. She promises herself she has good ideas. Jessa comes out of her cave of sorrows (she’s living in la casa de Horvath now) just to float around in a kimono robe and tell her lie of the evening: she’s not depressed. She is! She’s wearing a kimono, for Christ’s sake. What is this, Grey Gardens? Hannah places the computer behind her head and takes a nap.
She takes a brief hiatus from writing to visit Marnie at Booth Jonathan’s who is having, hey, surprise! An awful artist party filled with people I’d like to put in regular clothes. Marnie’s lies to herself are probably the most glaring in this episode, because we see what happens when she speaks those little untruths out loud. She’s been sleeping with Booth for probably a couple of weeks now, and he’s a little mustachioed gremlin of a man, which she seems to find charming. She finds it charming that he yells at his assistant for eating his rosewater ice cream. She finds it charming that he fires his assistant for doing that, all while his grundle is basically exposed to her and us and the world, because he does it naked. She finds it charming that he calls her when he wants to have sex, and he wears ascots, and probably owns a whole corduroy suit.
When he asks her to hostess said party he’s having, Marnie tries on a whole bunch of dresses while Shoshanna continuously assures her how much Booth is so into her, even though we’ve seen the Ben Affleck movie and we know he’s “Just Not That Into Her.” Marnie probably knows that, too, because every woman who is dating an unavailable, awful, self-centered Christmas Elf knows that and ignores it. Instead, she throws herself in him, ignoring Hannah’s texts. Instead, she buys an artsy plastic dress that makes her look like she’s going to mass murder everybody at the party and barely get blood on her croptop, but unthankfully, she doesn’t. It’s not a Marnie Ann-Taylor raspberry sheath dress, it’s a Booth dress, because that’s how far she’ll go to pretend she’s doing something she’s not.
Marnie and Booth end up in the wine room, which is where I surely will go when I die, and it turns out that when Booth asked her to “hostess” the party with him, he meant that he was hiring her for the job. Now, I’m not one to turn down $500, but apparently Marnie is making a lot of money at the Old Man Gropey Cigar Club, because all she does is cry about how “wahhhh I thought you were my boyfriend wahhh wahhh.” If there’s something I’ve learned, ever, it’s that crying at a guy will get you all of his love. Booth doesn’t sweep her into his tiny arms, though, he knocks perfectly good vino over and admits that nobody likes him for him, they just like him for his art. I’d like to let him know I hate him for his art AND for him. He hates all his friends, he admits. Marnie leaves, too upset to see how her willingness to lie to herself in order to play dress-up with a cool lifestyle mirrors his own troubles.
But enough with the GIRLS for now, let’s get to the boys, specifically Adam and Ray. They’ve got a little buddy comedy in this ep, but instead of a good cop/bad cop romp with Jackie Chan, they travel on the Staten Island ferry and bore all of us to tears. Ray visits Adam to get back his copy of Little Women, which for some reason is being passed around to the characters of this show like all of Adam’s venereal diseases. Ray discovers Adam has kidnapped a dog from Staten Island, a likely response to his split from Hannah, because of course his grief has to be as insane as he is. He denies this and continues to look like he just got out of a Chinese prison.
For whatever reason, Ray convinces Adam to take the dog back to it’s rightful owners, and this is where I found out that Staten Island Ferry, which they take, is free. I know because I Googled it because I really can’t look at Adam and Ray for too long. Their pale, hairy bodies make me think of all the dentists I’ve ever known.
When they get off the ferry, this is where the real magic happens. Nothin’ like a couple of dudes walking around a dump, harboring a fugitive dog they have muzzled. It’s how we learn most about life. Ray accuses Adam of being unable to get over Hannah, and it’s seemingly true, because this statement makes Adam accuse Ray of sleeping with Hannah, pushing and shoving him while Ray denies the whole thing. Of course he hasn’t slept with her. Penetration would be replaced with hours of banter about the Internet. It would be awful.
Adam, in turn, accuses Ray of being a human child, of not even being in love with Shoshanna, of holding onto her because he’s stuck and she’s easy and she’s young. I mean, let’s face it: the guy lives out of his car. He’s the Jewel of 2012. He definitely isn’t at the height of his maturity, here. He’s wearing a shirt that says Yogurt Towne. But can the two of these adult babies see in each other what they can’t see in themselves? Is lying to ourselves fooling nobody?
Read: Yes. Lena Dunham didn’t get a 3 million dollar book deal for nothing… she’s VERY aware of us all.
But hey, that’s the thing about lying. It eventually catches up to you, one way or another. As the episode ends, you could be like Marnie and Hannah — talking to each other on the phone. Marnie tells Hannah, wiping away her tears at the subway station, that she’s still at Booth Jonathan’s, watching fireflies. Hannah tells Marnie she’s been writing all day. You could start telling the lies to other people.
Or you could be like Ray. You could sit by yourself and you could cry, finally admitting to yourself the things you never thought you would face.
It’s your choice, really. You still got to face yourself afterwards.