With the release of the To Rome with Love comes Woody Allen’s first acting role in over six years. It’s charming, decadent and full of the director’s subtle (or not so subtle) advice on life, much like the others films he’s starred in over the years. His characters have always had something to say, and normally in the form of some absurdly thought-provoking advice on love.

Known for these spasms of romantic neurosis and alternatively witty sex advice, we’re embracing Woody Allen’s glorious yet ultimately self-indulgent return to the big screen with a look back on the wisest relationship wisdoms he has gifted to us throughout his cinematic career.

Warning: if you heed the following titbits of advice, you do so at your own risk…