Before I engage with anything that happened on this episode of True Blood, I think it’s important to address what didn’t happen, and that is: ALCIDE DID NOT TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF ONCE. It’s been three full episodes and Alcide has remained fully clothed in every. Single. One. I don’t even know why I bother sometimes.

The running theme in this week’s episode is female sexuality — its power and deserved punishments. The title of the episode “Whatever I Am, You Made Me”, as with many subplots, seems to reflect the story of Adam & Eve, in which the woman’s sexuality is responsible for the man’s folly and, subsequently, the existence of all evil. Lovely.

It’s revealed in this episode that Jason Stackhouse was “made” sexually deviant because he was “seduced” by his female teacher while he was still in school. Yes, that’s right, Jason Stackhouse’s sexual indiscretions are out of his control. He is not responsible for his actions because he was “taught” to be this way by a horrible, sex-fiend woman. Even though she tries to explain why their affair was wrong (it seems to have ended both her career and marriage), and he is the one who seduces her, she still comes out the worse, as post-coitus Jason has a moralistic epiphany while she murmurs something about “not knowing how much I needed that” and literally begging him to stay and have more sex with her (some would say “gagging for it”).

The subsequent scene sees an exchange between Salome (yes, THE Salome) and Vampire Bill, in which Salome tries to convince Bill that history has tarred and feathered her without the correct factual information; “The human Bible, it’s little better than US Weekly. They made me a convenient villan, a symbol for dangerous female sexuality, but i was just a girl, with a seriously fucked up family.”

Firstly, her heavy breathing in this scene is infuriating. Secondly, it’s a nice story, sweetheart, but the action sings a different tune. It paints her, quite graphically, as exactly the same character she claims not to be, using her sexuality to control a man (Bill). She then goes on, in the same day, to seduce Eric (again asserting control over a man using only the brute force of her vagina) before falling naked and glowing into the arms of The Guardian, at which point it is revealed both her seductions were driven by some ulterior motive that was not love or even like.