I grew up in Queens, attended high school on Long Island, graduated from NYU, and currently reside in Brooklyn. In my 31 years of New York living, I have very little success and few skills to speak of, but if there’s one thing I’m pretty good at, it’s spotting shitty attempts at New York and New Jersey accents.

For most of my life I suffered from a Queens/Long Island hybrid speech impediment. Basically I sounded like a douchebag for a very long time. The tank tops I chose to wear instead of shirts with sleeves didn’t help the situation either.

I never tried to get rid of the accent — I was blissfully unaware that it was there in the first place. But fortunately, at some point, without any conscious prodding, my body started to reject the accent, and now, after years of vocal sickness, I’m left with something I can hear recordings of without cringing. Other family members and friends have not been so fortunate — they still carry the disease. But, thankfully, they will die one day and take that dreaded accent with them.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about the following films and actors, whose failed attempts at New York and New Jersey accents will live on long after my tank tops have decomposed.

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Untitled Robin Hood Adventure