Hey girl,

It seems like you’ve been having a tough past few weeks so I thought we should talk. So your new album rocks and is everything your loyal fans have ever wanted. It’s daring and sexy and incorporates your belting vocals and what sounds like the banging of pots of pans. The tracks “Werewolf” and “Daredevil” are amazing; they’re on repeat on my iPod. Actually, the whole album is.

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I’ve been a fan since that one album with the longest name ever. “Paper Bag” is still untouchable today. And then I fell in love with you again in the “O’ Sailor” video because that was just fierce. “Criminal” was, as I’m sure you’ve heard a million times, everything to me as a thirteen-year-old girl. Did I watch that music video and want to desperately go to a real party instead of Bat Mitzvahs? I never did, but that video was my first gateway into cool.

Before you, “cool” was a boy’s thing. With you, I realized women are cool because they are strong. As I was bobbing my head to your music when I was thirteen, I could finally tap into a sense of confidence and strength. That’s what made your fans love you from the beginning.

I’m writing to let you know your fans have got your back. We’ve been with you for a long, long time and we know that the legal situation you’re in right now is tough. Getting arrested is embarrassing, we understand that. But you’re a strong woman and as a strong woman you should be able to put this behind you and grow like we all eventually do. Your fans are expecting many a great song from this period of your life.

You’ve been sad before about the state of your life and you’ve gotten through it and made great albums about it. I think the arrest is really bothering you; looking at your rants on stage and your more frail appearance, it’s important to know that it gets better than this rather dark stage you’re at. You’ve got so many people who adore you and what you do; we know that you’re embarrassed but we’ve all felt shame before.

Now, you are among the many, many artists with a criminal record. You’re joining the party with people like Lauryn Hill, Jack White and Billie Holiday. But on a lighter note, totally loved your bangs in the mug shot. You were tired, I understand, but still working it.

Please, Fiona, just be careful. We are so gunning for you to win a million Grammys and continue to just rock the entire universe. Maybe drop the bong and write a great book for us, a la Patti Smith?

You probably feel like the world is against you, or maybe just the law. Just know that although the laws are working against you at the moment, the world is so not. You’ve got millions upon millions of fans who want to see you on stage having a good time singing your great songs. You’ve been here before, we’ve all been here and, girl, we need you. You were a voice for us strong women before and you’re a voice for us now. We know you can get through this.

And seriously, if you ever need some comfort cookies at four a.m., you let me know. FedEx from London takes a long time but my recipe is good.

All the best,
xoxo Rachel