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Kailyn steps into the backyard, her friends are already there. It’s time. She looks over the girls she’d spent weeks preparing with and feels nothing but undying love, respect.

Everything is wonderful. The yard is immaculate, and above the fence is the perfect sky for art.

The sky. Kailyn loves the sky. From the top of her house — against her parents’ wishes, she sneaks out on the roof sometimes, but prays after — she can see to the end of the Kingdom of God.

Her friends are excited, and so is she. She prays for a moment, a prayer only she will know.

She puts on her novelty-sized temple medallion, and smiles. “Bling bling,” she whispers. She’s ready.

There are, at my estimation, 7 million species of video on YouTube (each YouTube video fits into a species, each species fits into a genus, each genus fits into a family, and so on; all YouTube videos are eventually categorized in the ultimate group “YouTube Videos”).

One genus is Christian Parodies of Popular Music (CPPM,) under which species like “Mormon Parody of Popular Music,” and “Westboro Baptist Church Parody of Popular Music,” lie.

Come, take a look at the weirdest of the bunch, and we will try to decode what exactly is going on in these things, and why religious people can’t do satire.

What you just watched above is a highlight of “Mormon Parody of Popular Music,” one of the more grand species of CPPM’s. The song parodied is MC Hammer’s canonical “U Can’t Touch This.” The parody is a philosophical assault on consenting physical contact between adults (at 1:25 they condemn kissing in favor of high fives and fist bumps), and a sensory assault on your ears.

The most quotable line of the video, the line that many a Mormon high school student must have stuck in their head, is found at :40. “Watch Me Rock This Modest Clothing” is the Mormon “YOLO!”

Another notable moment can be found at 1:42, where wordlessly they dance, doubtlessly mentally repeating the mantra, “He is my choreographer, and He is good.”

Watching the video note the artists’ dress and manner of speech, what can least offensively be called ‘parodic urban.’ Keep in mind that only 12 years before “U Can’t Touch This” was released, MC Hammer (or any black person) would not have been allowed to be a minister in the Mormon church.

The group is prolific, they also produced this gem that they somehow got Courtney Cox Arquette to appear in:

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The funny part about “Ladies get Blessed,” is that in order to successfully (word is used loosely) write this thing, these Mormon girls had to sit around and listen to “Baby Got Back” multiple times.

They’re really getting a lot of mileage out of those novelty temple medallions. What a great investment!

What these songs don’t do is add any new ideas or thought to the conversation of morality. The purpose of satire or parody is to ridicule something in a way that makes an intelligent point. These songs are unsuccessful parodies because the parodied songs are both intentionally goofy ‘novelty’ songs, to an extent. They are unsuccessful satires because they don’t introduce any new ideas, they just reinforce chaste silliness. The question “why is it wrong to wear revealing clothing?” is never answered.

Self-awareness rating: 2/10