Spencer Pratt’s “Tower 69: Malibu Beach Patrol” trailer from everydaypratt on YouTube

Spencer Pratt (aka formerly one-half of Speidi aka the guy everyone hated on The Hills and still hates in real life) is now making a movie. And he can’t even keep his face off the trailer. Here’s a blow-by-blow of the thoughts going through my head as I watched this video.

0:02: He was fated to turn out like this with a surname like Pratt
0:03: Nothing could make me want to subscribe less than the prompt SUBSCRIBE YO
0:12: Does this man ever blink?
0:13: “69”? Seriously? You’re 27 years old.
0:29: Maybe he does that alien horizontal-blinking thing…
0:55: There’s no email address on the bottom of the screen. LOL. That psyche-out may be better than this.
0:59: An iPod? Really? You’re wearing two watches, dude. At least shell out for an iPhone.
1:36: This is what the state of the film industry has come to…
2:35: I wish proper filmmakers offered a narration to their trailers.
2:45: Did he just say, “Time’s clickin’”?
2:57: DID HE JUST BLINK!? No. No, he didn’t.

If you’ll excuse me, I need to go contemplate the state of my life and what I did to bring me to contributing two of the 301 views on this video. Here’s a picture of Spencer with a crystal.